The Full Moon Chronicles: My Name is Remus
by story2tell
Summary: But I, Remus John Lupin, a thirteen-year-old boy, fully human and fully werewolf, am about to embark on the greatest journey of my life thus far. Hogwarts.


**Hey guys. I've post this story before but I've been going through some of my old stories in hopes of getting some of my writing spark back and thought I might do some revisions on some mistakes that I saw. So here is Remus' one shot that I wrote. I orignially wrote this in hopes that I would write one one-shot per full moon of little clips of Remus through his life but I got no reviews for this story so decided not to go through this idea. But I hope you like the revision. So enjoy.**

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Have you ever imagined yourself as a werewolf?

_No?_

I didn't think so.

Of course, I never imagined myself being locked up at the age of four in a dirty shed as the full moon rose high and silver in the night sky. I never imagined that I would be feeling pain so violent that it was nearly unreal. I never imagined I would be shunned from Wizarding society; be labeled a pariah by my once friends and relatives.

Obviously imagination isn't all it's crack up to be.

My name is Remus John Lupin. No, I do not have a twin brother named Romulus. It's just me in my family—no brothers or sisters, unless you want to count the multitude of dogs we owned. Yes, I do consider the animals my family and friends.

They were all I had. The only tiny bit of sanity I was able to grasp every month on the full moon. I didn't understand why, but when these seemingly simple creatures were around on the night of a stark full moon, I seemed to gain a bit of clarity in my otherwise lost mind.

Did I tell you that I hated the name Remus?

But I, Remus John Lupin, a thirteen-year-old boy, fully human and fully werewolf, am about to embark on the greatest journey of my life thus far.

_Hogwarts_.

Then why was I so nervous? So terrified?

Sure, the train was a bit intimidating with the swirl of gray smoke creating a halo above me and the crowd of students and parents was nearly overwhelming but shouldn't I at least be jumping for joy at the chance I never thought that I would receive?

I was sure that I was about to be sick.

I never thought I'd be here, amidst this bustling crowd, listening to the noise of excited students, watching the billowing smoke of the locomotive curl thickly towards the ceiling of the cavernous train station. I try to absorb it all: the smell of diesel, the sight of a mass of black robes, the sound of wheels on cobble stone, the feel of bodies pushing past me.

For a moment I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, afraid that this was all a dream and I would awake with a start if I moved too quickly, did something that was too sudden. I didn't know what I would do if I blinked and found myself staring up at a low, gray ceiling with peeling paint. My heart was pounding so fast that I feared it would beat right out of my chest and fly across the station with a _zing! _and pop some unknowing person in the face.

I began to walk again, slowly, calculatingly, prodded by the disappearing backs of my mother and father. I kept my bandaged arm clutched to my chest and my rolling trunk close to my side. My hands were sweaty and I could feel my collared shirt beginning to stick to my skin.

I mentally denied the panic that was beginning to set in. I ignored the fact that I was beginning to gulp air and sweat profusely.

"You should put your robes on, Remus," Elodie Lupin murmured as I caught up to her, nearly gasping for air.

I didn't answer her just kept on following, mentally coaching myself to a measure of calm. As familiar was my mother's worried nagging was my answering silence. She was used to my few words and I could feel a mutual agreement between us. I would let her chide and worry and nag at me and she would let me keep my silence.

My father wasn't entirely agreeable to that. He throws a look of disapproval over his shoulder before speaking.

"Answer your mother when she speaks to you, Remus. It's disrespectful."

I didn't argue with him. I never did. Compliance was my ally and I was quick to pull it. "I will put the robes on when I board the train, mother."

She gave me a sound of understanding and turned, pulling me to the side, away from the throng of people. Her face was white. She was worried. Just seeing her nervous made me nervous and the breathless feeling was coming back again.

"Now I want you to behave like a good boy, Remus. Dumbledore went through a lot to do this for you. Make nice friends, don't get into fights, and try not to draw too much attention to yourself."

I stood stiffly, letting my mother fuss over me; she straightened the collar of my white shirt and brushed wisps of hair from my eyes before chucking me under the chin.

"Don't forget to always keep your head up—show some confidence and you'll always win."

I strained slightly away, offering her a weak smile. Her fussiness was somewhat embarrassing but somehow enduring. I knew she was sick with worry and fear. I had never been away from her and my father before. She never thought this day would ever come.

I guess she was wrong.

Elodie caught me by the shoulder again, holding me steadfast, though I tossed a longing glance towards the students boarding the train.

"I want you to be careful with that arm of yours until it properly heals—it's hurt enough already. Maybe you could get the nurse to change the bandage for you, dear; you're bleeding through a bit." She sighed, tracing the fresh pink scar on the side of my neck. Her fingers are cold against my skin and I flinched slightly. "I don't suppose there's anything that's to be done with this one."

I dropped my eyes, feeling the rush of blood to my cheeks and the weakness in my knees. All I wanted was to sit down before I fell down. From the nerves and the full moon that had just been a day before, I felt like a walking zombie. I backed more forcefully away from my mother, hissing in embarrassment: "_Mum_!"

Byron Lupin was the one who caught me this time and I kept my eyes to the dusty cobblestone beneath my feet, lest my eyes betrayed me. "Remember Remus, if you find it all too much for you to handle, you can come straight home, no questions asked. No one would blame you if it became too much too handle."

I didn't even nod this time, just waited for the sign of permission for my leaving.

"You'll be fine, Remus." He spoke gruffly, his voice suddenly full of rare and rough emotion. "I'll know it'll be a bit hard coming in late but your mother's taught you good. Don't you forget all that. I'm proud of you."

A boost of confidence flooded me at the rarely spoken words and I raised my eyes to meet my father's brown ones. They crinkled around the corners as he smiled at me.

The shrill cry of the train's whistle had my heart leaping for my throat.

"I-I…gotta…" I tried to speak, to say goodbye, to tell them how much they meant to me. But the words were stuck in my throat.

"I'll see you at Christmas," my mother whispered, her silent farewell willing me towards the boarding steps and into the long corridors of the Hogwarts Express.

_Motion sickness…_

I hated it. I clutched my stomach and staggered down the length of the corridor, looking desperately for an empty department.

The full moon certainly wasn't gracious.

The train had barely begun to move when the nausea hit me with full force.

Fear is an awfully funny thing. It has a way of twisting your gut and playing with your thoughts. It makes your mouth go dry and allows goose bumps to rise on your skin which grows damp with perspiration. Because of this, I did my best to keep my eyes low for each face I met sent a cold wash of fear sweeping through me.

_He knows! _My mind flung at me as I met gazes with a kid with white-blond hair and gray eyes. But the boy didn't say anything. He sneered at me as I walked past his compartment and his fellow companions broke into derisive laughter.

I felt the red creep up my neck and I pulled at the tie around my neck, willing it not to choke me as it seemed it would any second.

I kept my hand on the wall for balance since the train had begun to move and I begged all those deemed god that somehow I would find an empty compartment to hide in and sleep. My weak knees seemed to turn to jelly and the throb of my pulse pounded in unison with the aching of my head.

I hadn't put my robe on yet. Instead I carried it in the crook of my arm, trying to relieve the oppressive heat that seemed to thicken the air of the Express. But my black slacks seemed heavy and the vest over my collar shirt was itchy and thick.

I suddenly hated uniforms.

When I neared the end of the train, I felt my whole body deflate and I berated myself for being such a coward. Weakly pushing the sliding door open, I stumbled in and sank to my hands and knees until my elbows became too weak to hold me up and I slid the rest of the way to the thin carpet. The rumbling train floor sent vibrations through my body, jolting my stomach.

I swallowed convulsively and created my own little chant on the spot.

_I will not sick up. I will not sick up. I will not sick up. I will not sick up. I. Will. Not. Sick. Up…_

"Hey, mate, are you all right? You look really green in the face." A voice startled me out of my clouded state.

I opened my eyes blearily and saw a pair of legs standing over me.

"_Motion sickness…"_ I moaned, unable to keep up any sort of charade. I was more of a suffer-in-silence kind of guy but I knew I couldn't pull an excuse for lying on the floor.

"Ah," was the only response I received. Suddenly, a pair of hands hoisted me up and helped me stumble to a seat where the hands propped me against a window pane.

"Try staring out into the distance but don't focus on anything close."

I obliged, moving so my forehead pressed against the cool glass of the window. I focused on the faraway mountains that barely moved as the train rolled past.

Slowly but surely, the nausea receded and I turned quite embarrassed to see the tall boy lounging with his feet propped up on the opposite seat. He had longish hair the color of black ink and cool blue eyes that seemed to take everything in with a single glance.

I cleared my throat and he looked over at me with a smirk that quickly sent my self-confidence plummeting. "Um…thanks…well…for…well…you…"

"Just spit it out."

I blinked before surprisingly letting the words come smoothly out. "Thanks for helping me."

"No big deal." Was the only thing the boy said.

"Well…it-it was…was…to me…"

Again, the boy smirked.

I didn't know what to say then but found I didn't need to scramble for words for the compartment door suddenly slammed open so loud that I jumped at foot in the air.

"The fuunnnn has a-rrive-d!" the new boy announced in such an exuberant fashion, I was surprised I didn't get blasted out the window.

He was tall but not as tall as the boy who was lounging. His hair was black as well but he had large hazel eyes that literally screamed mischievous. Then he noticed me and his face darkened in an instant at my intrusion.

"Who are you? Why are you in our compartment? You know, I'm not trying to be well, _rude_, but we claimed this compartment our first year. We're third years now and first years are _not _allowed."

My eyes widened at the speed the boy spoke and I felt a sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach and swallowed hard. The motion sickness stared to creep back into my gut.

_Rejection. _

I knew that I didn't want to become too involved in friendship, but I didn't realize that I would be pushed away so fast. Coming into third year, I knew, would be overtly hard because the students would have already formed cliques and I knew it would be hard to break their molds. But I hoped. I really _hope _that maybe…well…that maybe thing, just this once, that things could be different.

"I'm sorry," I'm managed to squeeze out past the lump in my throat. I stood and shouldered my pack, "I'll just…just…"

The new boy must have noticed the cast down look on my face because he immediately softened his face. He studied me for a moment than blocked my exit with a one-eyed glare.

"Are you a first year?"

I shook my head, my throat dry.

"I've never seen you before."

I blinked in response.

"What house are you in?"

"I-I don't know…"

Both boys exchanged glances. "You don't _know?_"

"I…well…I was homeschooled for a couple years…I'm a th-third year now."

"Really?" those hazel eyes danced with this information. "Must have been awful learning magic all by yourself."

I shrugged. Actually, it was absolutely _horrid_.

"You might be in our dorm…that is, if you're in Gryffindor." The other boy interjected.

"Which is the best house," continued the boy with the hazel eyes with a voice that left no room for argument.

I shrugged again.

"You're not very talkative, are you?" the boy said it as if it were an unnatural thing.

"Umm…" _If only you knew._

"You balance him out, James, with your constant rambling." The boy relaxing on the seat said with a smirk. He nodded at me. "I'm Sirius Black and he's James Potter."

I cleared my throat. "R-Remus L-Lupin."

James laughed, running a quick hand through his hair, causing it to stick up even more haphazardly. "You know anybody named Romulus?"

I cracked a smile for the first time. "No. I'm an only child. You?"

"I'm an only child. Sirius has an younger brother though named Regulus. He's in Slytherin, though." James made a face.

"R-really?" curse my cracking voice. My nervousness was blaring through like a strobe light though neither boy seemed to mind. I knew Slytherin was not a house of choice if you had any sense of decorum—at least that what I had heard my father ranting to my mother about several times.

James plopped down next to me and pulled out a handful of sweets. He tossed a few chocolate frogs at Sirius and opened a Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans for himself.

I turned towards the window and sighed contentedly. For the first time in a while, I felt relaxed with nothing to hide. My lycanthropy was miles and miles away and the waning moon was just another bright star in the sky that didn't glare but wink at me.

I couldn't help but wink back.

Maybe this friends thing won't be too hard after all. Maybe, I would find someone who didn't care about the werewolf but only saw me. Maybe I'll be able to be who I _really _was and gain some self-confidence while I was at it.

I, Remus John Lupin, who does _not _have a brother named Romulus, promises to be brave, courageous and kind to all the outcasts of Hogwarts. I will not let appearance deter me and I will _not _be intimidated by pure bloods who hate half-breeds like me.

"Remus, you want a chocolate frog?" James broke through my musings with a gentle nudge with his elbow. He grinned at me and I instantly _knew_ that we were meant to be friends. I grinned back and took the chocolate offered.

"Thanks" I took a bite and swallowed. I looked at Sirius and James. "You know, I was nervous about coming in late but I think it's going to be all right."

James laughed in response which I was beginning to realize was probably his answer to everything. His wild laugh made me want to laugh as well.

"That's the spirit, Remus!" Sirius raised his butterbeer in a toast. "To Remus who does not have a twin named Romulus and to our third year which hopefully brings many more pranks than last year."

Sirius and James went bottoms up but I stayed slightly frozen with the drink James had shoved at me in my hand.

"What do you mean by pranks?"

And James laughed in response.

_**The End**_


End file.
